OTP or not OTP?

[kerravonsen]

Some thinky thoughts I had in the bus this morning...

I don't believe in One True Pairing; not in fiction, and not in life, either.

The idea of One True Pairing is that not only is it True Love between the two, but that nobody else in the entire universe could be the True Love of the other. It's the second bit that I don't believe in. No, I'm not advocating polygamy! It's just that I think that more than one person could have the potential to be the True Love of somebody. Maybe it's because one of my uncles was a widower, and he remarried, and he didn't love one wife less than the other, though they were different people.

So how can love be True if it isn't a singular connection with that unique soulmate? It can be True because love is more than just attraction, love is more than just having something in common; everyone has the potential to be loved (because God loves everyone, so there must be something there to be loved): love lifts the veil of surface pettiness and sees the goodness in a person. True Love is all of these things, plus one more factor: commitment. The exclusivity of a True Pairing is bound up with the couple's commitment to each other: it's both a cause and an effect.

"'Til Death do us part" isn't just a soppy romantic concept: it is actually what makes a marriage work. Because if both of them vow to that level of commitment, then there is more trust, and there is no easy out: difficulties in the relationship are to be overcome rather than run away from. Overcoming difficulties makes the relationship stronger; understanding, trust and love grow. The love is True, not because it is magical, but because they are true to each other.

And yes, some people just don't suit. I'm not arguing with that. But I don't think there's Just One Possible Soulmate, either.

Which is why, from a fannish point of view, I get a bit irritated at the AU stories which show how completely devastated and empty Character A's life would be if they never met Character B, and that as soon as they meet Character B there is a magical connection between them, inexplicable and inescapable. No. That's missing the point of what love is. It's also lazy writing. It can be hard work trying to figure out the points on the journey from acquaintance to friendship to love -- but very rewarding, that's what I'm writing this stuff for: the journey.

Yes, I do write mostly gen, but I have had a touch of shipping too, and I'll read shippy stuff also. And I'm not exclusive in my shipping. I mean, yes, I go for Avon/Cally but Avon/Soolin or Avon/Dayna can be believed too. Yes, Doctor/Rose, but sometimes Doctor/Martha appeals (and even Doctor/Cally, because astrogirl2 is deliciously persuasive). Of course Doctor/Romana. And then we have Snape, ah, Snape. Snape/Maud, yes! And yet I turn around and add to the insanity of the world by writing Snape/Anya all by myself, a pairing which I doubt will ever be written about by anyone else.

On the other hand, some pairings make my brain melt, like Doctor/Ace (or really, the Doctor with most of his companions just Does Not Compute for me).

Comments

[persephone-kore.livejournal.com]

I agree with this. I get fussier about literary pairings sometimes, especially when I hear a lot from the people offering alternative ones about how the one I like is a bad idea, but that's more a case of grumpiness than actual philosphy.

[tptigger.livejournal.com]

Doctor/Ace feels like incest in a way. EW!

[kerravonsen]

I couldn't conceive of anyone writing Doctor/Ace, it just seemed so obvious that they would never ever think of each other that way... and then I read one. Interestingly enough, it really was an excellent story apart from that aspect of it. But the bits of it that ventured into that territory made no sense to me.

[reveilles.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree. And usually the stories that take the quick-and-easy, "Some Enchanted Evening" route also are lazy in other aspects of the storyline. I like the ones where people disagree, but still find a way to work with and for each other. Those are much more satisfying.

And I don't think there's just one Special Person in the world for me. Well, there is at the moment, and until death do us part, and if death parts us and I'm the one left behind, I will not be crushed. I'll see him again someday, no matter what. In the meantime: who does God want me to help take more pleasure in Him?

Maybe it sounds cold and callous, but sometimes I find myself half afraid, thinking, "What if I lose my husband?" and God's answer is, "I'll still be here, you'll see him again, and we'll keep going. But you're still with him now, so keep going." :)

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

it is actually what makes a marriage work.

Yes, it is. Marriage is hard work. Not all the time, but at some times in each marriage. If you've left open the possibility of leaving, you've undercut your ability to survive the hard times and thrive afterwards.

More fannishly, I don't think of OTP in quite the way you've described. It's not that there could be no other true love for the characters; it's just that I may think that within the shipping choices available, one is the healthiest or most interesting choice. It's usually the one I think has the greatest possibility to give the characters joy; which is, not coincidentally, the most satisfying choice for me.

But I will read (and sometimes write) any pairing that I find believable, positive, and potentially interesting (I confess that--to the small extent I'm interested in ships at all--I'm rarely interested in dysfunctional ships). My OTP love of Willow/Snape doesn't prevent me from enjoying Willow/Spike, Willow/Giles, or your Snape/Anya. My OTP love of Avon/Soolin doesn't prevent me from enjoying Avon/Jenna or Vila/Soolin.

Though I have NO desire to see Larry with anybody but Megan. ;-)

[kerravonsen]

It's usually the one I think has the greatest possibility to give the characters joy; which is, not coincidentally, the most satisfying choice for me.

Though I think in that case, it wouldn't be a One True Pairing, it would be a preferred pairing; though I guess the term "OTP" can have either meaning.

I was more ranting against the One kind of pairing; partly prompted by reading too many stories where the author character-assassinates all potential rivals in order to show that the Chosen One is Worthy of the Hero.

It's not that there could be no other true love for the characters; it's just that I may think that within the shipping choices available, one is the healthiest or most interesting choice.

And there's the thing; for some characters there really aren't that many shipping choices, and for others there are more. I think it also makes a difference to me whether the ship is canon or not; I don't like breaking up canon ships. Of course, canon is open to interpretation; personally I don't consider Doctor/Rose to be canon, any more than I consider Avon/Cally to be canon, in the sense that, yes, there was great potential for something to happen, but in canon, nothing actually did.

And I want to see more of your Willow/Snape stories! 8-)

[astrogirl2.livejournal.com]

and even Doctor/Cally, because [info]astrogirl2 is deliciously persuasive

I'm not remotely sure why that even works for me as a pairing, but somehow it does. :)

And I agree with you on the OTP thing. It gets tedious in fandom fairly quickly, and in RL... Well, I think the concept of "soulmates" is a particularly pernicious meme, as it encourages people to expect magical perfection without effort, and if that doesn't happen, to conclude that it Wasn't Meant to Be and give up.

(Also, "Pernicious Meme" would make a great name for a band. :))

[kalquessa.livejournal.com]

Agreed on all counts, though I do adore using the phrase "OTP" in a slightly (or less-than-slightly) ironical sense. And I like referring to myself and Mr. Bill as my OTP, because it's funny. But yeah: love, like happiness, is more a choice than a circumstance. It's certainly not something that just happens, though it can certainly feel that way. The bolt-from-the-blue effect is infatuation. That's all kinds of fun, but not the same thing at all as love. Infatuation happens to you, you have to make love happen.

Or something equally profound-sounding. *grin*

[infiniteviking]

*points* All of that you just said? Seconded.

[jedibuttercup]

I was eighteen when I got engaged, and still believed in One True Loves. Yeah, I got cured of that right quick. It broke my heart when I gave back the ring, not so much because it represented the end of that particular romance, but because to me it also represented giving up on the "waiting for Prince Charming", rosy-glasses view of life.

The theory I developed afterward was that people are a lot like puzzle pieces. They get banged around and dented and remolded (and sometimes broken, and put back together differently) as life goes on. At any given point, they may bump into another who perfectly interlocks-- at that moment in time. Which they may or may not even realize. And whether the two change together in future, so as to remain "interlockable", or change in ways that make them no longer fit together, is equal parts luck, effort, and Providence after that.