Resolution

[kerravonsen]

I pledge to overcome my social conditioning to be polite to creepy guys.
I pledge to be blunt but not angry.
I pledge to project body language of confidence and calm (even if I am feeling neither confident nor calm).

Instead of cringing and wishing he would go away, I will say "I am not talking to you. Go away."(*)
If he says "I was just trying to be friendly," I will say "You failed."
If he says "There's no need to be rude," I will say "Being polite wasn't working."
If he calls me names, I will say "That's why I don't want to talk to you."

(Prompted by this and re-reading this)

(*) There was a guy who was an ex-co-worker who was also a regular con-goer; I didn't like him, but I didn't want to be rude, so I would converse when he talked to me. I would cringe when I saw him at cons, and go in the opposite direction. Finally I got sick of trying to avoid him, so I said the aforementioned "I am not talking to you". Surprisingly, it worked.

Comments

[watervole]

Hug. Social conditioning is really hard to overcome. Go for it!

[infiniteviking]

*hugs also, and cheers you on.* This is an excellent pledge.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Hugs. Inner confidence allows one to deal with all sorts of folks.

Your replies are great...=)

[kerravonsen]

8-)

I am trying to take my late Aunt Elizabeth as a role model, and be feisty.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Its odd. I cant relate to shrodinger's rapist. I dont think that way. I've never ever been bothered by men..that way. I guess I dont attract creepy guys in a sex way. I never have.

OTOH- I have had ..."mentally ill" aka "angry whackos" railing at everyone on the train. But that wasn't shrodinger's rapist..this was mental whacko trying to pick a fight on the train. I told him when he got into my face that people's reactions were not about him, but he needed to consider that most folks on the train are just tired from working and too tired to give a damn. I stunned him silent.

The only people I got proactively concerned about as a single traveling gal on public transport and on the street was groups of teenaged males wearing their "group uniform". I did not get timid but I was calculating ways to stay out of their concern zone and made sure I had an out or another person between me and the group.

Another way of dealing with this situation but I did it out of boredom on trains is to talk to a woman who was making something. People chatting in groups are less likely t get butt-ins.

[kerravonsen]

I dont think that way. I've never ever been bothered by men..that way. I guess I dont attract creepy guys in a sex way. I never have.

Neither have I; I've never been hit on. But I still get bothered occasionally by men who are "just trying to be friendly" who don't seem to realize that I don't have an obligation to talk to complete strangers if I don't want to. Just because I'm sitting on (or waiting for) public transport doesn't mean that I'm there to entertain them.

The only people I got proactively concerned about as a single traveling gal on public transport and on the street was groups of teenaged males wearing their "group uniform".

Yeah, groups of young men make me uneasy; if there's at least one female in the group, her presence is likely to defuse the danger, but youths together in a pack are much more likely to egg each other on in harassing people. By "youths" I don't mean teenagers, but those close to or in their early twenties. I guess because the legal adult age here in Australia is 18, I don't think of 18-19 year olds as "teenagers", even if they are technically so. When you say "teenager" I think of someone about 15, and I don't feel threatened by anyone who is that young.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

teen ager here is that 15 to 25. LOL .if they are in a pack..yeah. I dont mean a band or a bunch of cosplayers doing group play..

[kerravonsen]

Your replies are great.
It's good to have the replies prepared beforehand. ;-)

[jaxomsride.livejournal.com]

I'm with the can't relate to Schrodingers rapist brigade too. I have never been afraid to walk home at night. I quite regularly pass males on the way and don't do a "threat assessment" on them either.

Mind you I have had to deal with a creep at work. Reminding him there was a sexual harassment policy in place and that I found his overtures neither amusing nor attractive and the next time he did behave so I'd report him stopped the behaviour dead. I said so in front of witnesses too. Sometimes you have to be blunt as subtle doesn't always work.

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

I love this!

Although I, too, have never been bothered by guys in the "creepy sex way" I have far too many close friends whom this regularly happens to. It makes me sad. :(

[kittylefish.livejournal.com]

this was a great post. you are right, it's good to have replies on hand. i had seen the first thing you linked to. had not seen the other, and also don't relate to assessing men in that way, have not been much bothered with unwanted attention (except maybe construction workers in my youth, lol). but it's a valid point. i wonder if some of it is an age thing - when i was younger, there wasn't so much talk about those rape statistics and date rape was not yet a concept with a name, though it undoubtedly was a thing that happened.

[imhilien.livejournal.com]

*offers chocolate*