This Deserves Its Own Post

[kerravonsen]

There is no "us and them". There is only "us". Why can't they see that?

...Ooops.

That was a sequence of thoughts which occurred to me a couple of weeks ago. I struggled with it for a while. Because how can I embrace "them" when "they" do awful things? How can I embrace rich men and politicians and other distasteful people? How can I love my enemies?

Then it came to me.

There is no "us and them". There is only "me and you".

That is my new mantra. I am trying to live by it.

To explain: sure, every person is part of a group, indeed, part of many groups, and those groups do inform that person's behaviour. But each person is also an individual, sole and unique. So treat every person you interact with as an individual, no matter WHAT groups they may belong to, even if they are part of the "not-we".

Being Continuum last weekend, I tried to keep this in mind... and my life has already been the richer for it.

\o/

(Yes, there will be Continuum report, but probably tomorrow.)

Comments

[evilawyer]

Late comment, perhaps: I quite like the concept of "cultural humility", which is in counterpoint to "cultural competence." Unlike cultural competence, it acknowledges that no one can every really fully understand the impact of race, SES, etc on individuals, and that to say "I took a class on Topic X and now I know all about what it's like to be a member of People Y and so I know what People Y want in healthcare/customer service/pick your topic." We should all be humble when approaching individuals of different groups, because (1) they are individuals, as you say, not just group members and (2) while we can be sensitive and try to acknowledge another person's experience and how it has impacted that person's outlook, we can't ever really know what it's like to that other person because s/he is an individual; to think that we can "know" in the way that some have construed cultural competence can come off as disrespectful.

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes! Oh, I like this a lot. I recently read an article where someone was encouraging people to do just this... love each individual, regardless of what they might do or think or say or believe. Because it's only at that level that we can really choose love.

I would love to hear more about this from you, if you have thoughts on it.

[kerravonsen]

I think this was such a revelation to me because it's in the context of "us and them" rather than "love everybody". The former is something I've been wrangling with for some time, while the latter has worn itself down into a cliche, alas.

Because it's only at that level that we can really choose love.

Yes. Yes.

Several examples spring to mind of Christ's interaction with people on exactly that level: the woman at the well, an individual rather than A Samaritan; Zacchaeus, an individual rather than A Tax Collector... and so on.

Groups... are a way of coping with the complexity of life, but when it comes down to it, every action by groups of human beings is really done by individuals within that group. Groups can do nothing, only individuals can act.

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

Groups... are a way of coping with the complexity of life, but when it comes down to it, every action by groups of human beings is really done by individuals within that group. Groups can do nothing, only individuals can act.

Well put. And actually, this is really helpful to me in terms of honoring other people. It's much easier for me to reach out to those different from myself (I mean *really* different, radical variations in culture or upbringings or experiences) when I think of each person as a growing, changing individual.

If I allow myself to think in groups (especially supposed hierarchies of groups, whether those imposed by a majority or those pled for by the obviously disenfranchised), it gets hard to remember that I, too, am a worthwhile human being, and that honoring others need not mean erasing any part of myself.

[kittylefish.livejournal.com]

i like this mantra.

i've thought about this a lot lately because from the highest perspective, i can tap into my love-connection with all of creation and feel all warm and fuzzy towards everything and everyone, and yet on the human level i can get so frustrated and feel like some people truly are [fill in the negative blank] and get sucked into feeling all the separation stuff.

i sure don't have any answers, and honestly, maybe there aren't answers, exactly, maybe it's just part of the process of life here on earth, where we (at least some of us) aspire to higher ideals than we can always live up to.

[kerravonsen]

Maybe there are no answers, but there are always choices.

*hugs*