Grace

[kerravonsen]

No, things have not changed. Things are still as uncertain and stressy as I've been putting behind friends-locked posts. I'd been musing/moping this morning on the thought that "pain is God's megaphone" (I think Lewis said that) and wondering what it was that I was too stupid and thick-headed not to be able to hear any other way -- yes, I wasn't stupid enough to think that God was punishing me, but I ended up punishing myself anyway, remembering words from an ex-friend which basically said that I was willfully ignoring God when he was shouting at me, so I wasn't feeling too happy at all.

Then it occurred to me, when I was in the bathroom, that God must have known, when I fell out that window when I was 18 months old, that this day would come. This wasn't a sudden punishment, it was a consequence. And what did God do? He gave me a support system. He gave my aged parents a good stretch, so that they would be in a position to help me, instead of the other way around. He gave me incentive to get private health insurance long before I dreamed I would need it. He gave me a job, and enabled me to keep going. He gave me a good church to fellowship with. He gave me friends to encourage me.

This is grace.

God is good.

And maybe that's what he's been shouting at me.