FIC WIP: Labyrinth - Prologue
Sep. 28th, 2010 09:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kerravonsenTitle: untitled at the moment
Universe: Labyrinth
Disclaimer: This is a work-in-progress, a rough draft, un-betaed, and liable to be re-written drastically before the final version. Revisions will not be posted, just the initial version. Discussions and questions will also entail spoilers for the further plot developments of the story. The intent of this experiment is to see if I can get helpful feedback from random persons as I write. Thus, if there are comments, the experiment will continue. If you accept all these conditions, then read on...
Prologue
The tears in his promised bride's eyes sparkled like diamonds. A wreath of white flowers crowned hair as golden as butter, hair which poured like a waterfall to her feet.
"How could you?" she said. "How could you come to me with half a heart?"
"It was stolen," Jareth said, "three years ago."
She shook her head. "It was longer than three years ago."
"Aluthiel," he said, raising his hand towards her cheek. "I swear -"
She flinched.
"But you cannot swear," she said. "These oaths are bound by truth, and you cannot swear a lie. That is what I cannot forgive you for. Lies upon lies. Lies to me, and lies to yourself. You are a fool, Jareth, and I will not marry a fool." The tears overflowed her swimming eyes, belying her words. She shook her head, and he could see her gathering the pieces of her broken heart. Her face smoothed to cold stillness. The drops on her cheeks were not diamonds, but ice.
She stepped back, pulling the wreath from her hair. As the flowers fell, the colour of her gown turned from white to smoke, from smoke to basalt-grey, until the whole was as black as ink. She raised her arms. The room darkened with the gathering magic.
"Seven and seven and seven," she began, and her voice rang like a bell. With her first word, she flung her arms at Jareth, and a cloud of sparks surrounded him, spinning in a dark wind.
"Seven years bound,
Seven riddles to solve,
Seven kisses to gain.
If she loves thee better than I
If her thoughts are wiser than mine
If she binds the wild neglected
Then night-time shall untangle thee."
Jareth, arms raised in defence, was frozen in the sparking vortex. Each twist of the wind saw him paler, his torso thinner, his hair and fingers and arms longer.
"Three and three and three,
Three truths to speak,
Three vows to keep,
Three sorrows to heal.
If kindness guides thy heart
If faithfulness guides thy steps
If honesty guides thy tongue
Then thou wilt be free.
Else thou art rooted for eternity."
Jareth's face melted into bark, his arms into branches, his feet into roots. At her last word, Jareth was gone, and in his place stood a silver birch tree.
Questions I don't know the answers to yet:
1. What should the title be? Initially I was going to call it "Here Be Dragons", but that was when I was contemplating a completely different plot, so it doesn't fit any more.
2. What are the seven riddles that Sarah has to solve?
3. And the seven kisses that Sarah has to give to Jareth?
4. What are the three truths that Jareth has to speak?
5. What are the three vows that Jareth has to keep?
6. What are the three sorrows that Jareth has to heal?
Yes, it's true: I, the author, do not know what they are!
I do know what the "wild neglected" is: it's the Labyrinth, which will grow wilder and wilder as Jareth is unable to tend it, what with being a tree. And he's going to be a tree for seven years, that's what the "seven years bound" means. And when Sarah fulfils her tasks, the curse will be half-broken, with Jareth free at night, and a tree during the day.
It would be good if the riddles were related to Sarah learning how to tame the Labyrinth, but I don't know how.
So, all of you, any suggestions?
ETA: Oh, and another question: what is Sarah studying in college? (NOT drama)
Universe: Labyrinth
Disclaimer: This is a work-in-progress, a rough draft, un-betaed, and liable to be re-written drastically before the final version. Revisions will not be posted, just the initial version. Discussions and questions will also entail spoilers for the further plot developments of the story. The intent of this experiment is to see if I can get helpful feedback from random persons as I write. Thus, if there are comments, the experiment will continue. If you accept all these conditions, then read on...
Prologue
The tears in his promised bride's eyes sparkled like diamonds. A wreath of white flowers crowned hair as golden as butter, hair which poured like a waterfall to her feet.
"How could you?" she said. "How could you come to me with half a heart?"
"It was stolen," Jareth said, "three years ago."
She shook her head. "It was longer than three years ago."
"Aluthiel," he said, raising his hand towards her cheek. "I swear -"
She flinched.
"But you cannot swear," she said. "These oaths are bound by truth, and you cannot swear a lie. That is what I cannot forgive you for. Lies upon lies. Lies to me, and lies to yourself. You are a fool, Jareth, and I will not marry a fool." The tears overflowed her swimming eyes, belying her words. She shook her head, and he could see her gathering the pieces of her broken heart. Her face smoothed to cold stillness. The drops on her cheeks were not diamonds, but ice.
She stepped back, pulling the wreath from her hair. As the flowers fell, the colour of her gown turned from white to smoke, from smoke to basalt-grey, until the whole was as black as ink. She raised her arms. The room darkened with the gathering magic.
"Seven and seven and seven," she began, and her voice rang like a bell. With her first word, she flung her arms at Jareth, and a cloud of sparks surrounded him, spinning in a dark wind.
"Seven years bound,
Seven riddles to solve,
Seven kisses to gain.
If she loves thee better than I
If her thoughts are wiser than mine
If she binds the wild neglected
Then night-time shall untangle thee."
Jareth, arms raised in defence, was frozen in the sparking vortex. Each twist of the wind saw him paler, his torso thinner, his hair and fingers and arms longer.
"Three and three and three,
Three truths to speak,
Three vows to keep,
Three sorrows to heal.
If kindness guides thy heart
If faithfulness guides thy steps
If honesty guides thy tongue
Then thou wilt be free.
Else thou art rooted for eternity."
Jareth's face melted into bark, his arms into branches, his feet into roots. At her last word, Jareth was gone, and in his place stood a silver birch tree.
Questions I don't know the answers to yet:
1. What should the title be? Initially I was going to call it "Here Be Dragons", but that was when I was contemplating a completely different plot, so it doesn't fit any more.
2. What are the seven riddles that Sarah has to solve?
3. And the seven kisses that Sarah has to give to Jareth?
4. What are the three truths that Jareth has to speak?
5. What are the three vows that Jareth has to keep?
6. What are the three sorrows that Jareth has to heal?
Yes, it's true: I, the author, do not know what they are!
I do know what the "wild neglected" is: it's the Labyrinth, which will grow wilder and wilder as Jareth is unable to tend it, what with being a tree. And he's going to be a tree for seven years, that's what the "seven years bound" means. And when Sarah fulfils her tasks, the curse will be half-broken, with Jareth free at night, and a tree during the day.
It would be good if the riddles were related to Sarah learning how to tame the Labyrinth, but I don't know how.
So, all of you, any suggestions?
ETA: Oh, and another question: what is Sarah studying in college? (NOT drama)
no subject
Date: 2010-09-28 09:06 am (UTC)Hmm, riddles are not my strong point. Kisses... can be used to bestow fairy gifts, kissing the Blarney Stone supposedly gives you the gift of the gab. So the kisses could be returning some of Jareth's power to him or granting Sarah whatever she needs to complete her tasks?
The verse of Threes talks about kindness, honesty and faithfulness so at least one of Jareth's three things (vows, sorrows, truths) might be related to those? I sort of like the idea that healing sorrows is somehow related to helping the inhabitants of the Labyrinth. Jareth has always been rather disdainful of them and the curse does seem to be aimed at encouraging him to mend his ways.
I don't really know a lot about the US college system but I'd think that Sarah would be studying something more creative or arts related than not. English Lit? Or history because she loves the stories behind the facts? Although studying computer animation and design could lead to her being a games designer and world-builder :)
no subject
Date: 2010-09-28 09:51 am (UTC)Oh, I like that idea.
The verse of Threes talks about kindness, honesty and faithfulness so at least one of Jareth's three things (vows, sorrows, truths) might be related to those?
Well, yes, they are exactly related: kindness <-> sorrows, honesty <-> truths, faithfulness <-> vows. Just like in the Sevens verse, kisses <-> love, and riddles <-> wisdom.
I sort of like the idea that healing sorrows is somehow related to helping the inhabitants of the Labyrinth. Jareth has always been rather disdainful of them and the curse does seem to be aimed at encouraging him to mend his ways.
(nods) I wonder what there is in the Labyrinth to be healed?
Or history because she loves the stories behind the facts?
Ah, now I like that idea. Particularly since part of her motivation could also be to leave behind her childish fancies.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-29 08:19 pm (UTC)There's one paragraph I would niggle at: the "but you cannot swear" one. The transition from overflowing tears to sudden, icy coldness seems to come in too few lines? Maybe add a paragraph break, or a reaction from Jareth, before she decides to gather herself? But you've got some fantastic imagery in this prologue and the poems mesh with it in just the right way.
Good luck discovering the answers to all those questions!~ Maybe Sarah could be studying PR, literature, or -- hmm -- engineering?
no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:48 pm (UTC)Oh, and I second (third?) the Literature suggestion. That could also be a way for her to make the Labyrinth less real, by learning the mechanics of stories. It might also help her solve the riddles.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 11:17 pm (UTC)That could also be a way for her to make the Labyrinth less real
Why would that be a good thing?
no subject
Date: 2010-10-06 09:38 am (UTC)Or it might work the other way round - she might start out studying literature as a way of proving to herself that her book and what's in it really was real. Or just because of her love of stories, I don't know. I just see it fitting her. (Literature student here, in case you were wondering. :~D)
Although to be fair I like your idea of making her an engineer and focussing on hard science instead. I'm looking forward to seeing how that turns out.