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kerravonsenThere's been a lot of fail and outrage in fandom recently.
1. There is FAIL.
2. OUTRAGE ensues.
3. Failer becomes defensive and perpetrates more FAIL.
4. OUTRAGE doubles.
5. Failer's friends protest and perpetrate additional FAIL.
6. OUTRAGE triples.
7. Optimistic fools wonder aloud why we can't all just be friends.
8. OUTRAGE quadruples, this time directed at those who are outrageous enough not to join in the OUTRAGE.
I wish, I just wish that for once, the cycle would be cut off before step 3. Six words: "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
I am not an optimistic fool, but in many things I am a pragmatist. Or perhaps I simply have different goals. I would hope that the goal of the OUTRAGE is to prevent FAIL. To change behaviour. Anger is a legitimate reaction to FAIL. When it becomes excessive, however, it not only becomes unreasonable, but it becomes ineffective, indeed counter-productive at the goal of preventing FAIL. And we get Step 5 and beyond.
We also get a chilling effect on others.
There is a story on my bunny-list which is set during the aftermath of an earthquake in the 1970s. I am having second thoughts about finishing it, due to fear of OUTRAGE being directed at me.
There's another reason I'm wary of participating in OUTRAGE. It's the pragmatist in me, again. Peer pressure is a common social tool for changing behaviour. But I am not a peer of these particular Failers. I am a stranger, they don't know me from Adam, they don't care what I think. Me joining in the OUTRAGE would not help.
The other side of that is that, well, I don't care what they think either. Why should I care what a complete stranger says anyway? Really. Someone is WRONG on the Internet. Big deal. Fail happens. Stupid happens. It will keep on happening. I am not going to fix the world by yelling at it. Keep calm, be polite. Lose your temper, lose the argument.
Take the latest round of FAIL. So someone made an insulting remark about people "being off their meds" because they disagreed with them. Yes, that's stupid and insulting. I'm "on meds" myself, and guess what? I am NOT taking that remark personally. I am not taking it as an insult to every person on the planet who is "on meds" either. (Or every person on the planet "on meds" who doesn't ship Doctor/Rose). I don't care. I simply don't care what this random stranger said. I don't give a stuff. Who is this person? Do they have a lot of influence or responsibility? No?(*) Then the potential for harm from their attitude is small. Why should I waste my time on something so unimportant in the scheme of things, then?
(*) Or, at least, they didn't until the OUTRAGE brought fandom's attention to them.
Perhaps this is bringing out the inner Slytherin in me.
ETA: Due to this post being linked to by metafandom and becoming a classic example of Step 8 of the above cycle, this post has been f-locked.
ETA 2: I've changed my mind after calming down and some positive advice. This entry is no longer f-locked, but comments are frozen, and new comments are screened.
1. There is FAIL.
2. OUTRAGE ensues.
3. Failer becomes defensive and perpetrates more FAIL.
4. OUTRAGE doubles.
5. Failer's friends protest and perpetrate additional FAIL.
6. OUTRAGE triples.
7. Optimistic fools wonder aloud why we can't all just be friends.
8. OUTRAGE quadruples, this time directed at those who are outrageous enough not to join in the OUTRAGE.
I wish, I just wish that for once, the cycle would be cut off before step 3. Six words: "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
I am not an optimistic fool, but in many things I am a pragmatist. Or perhaps I simply have different goals. I would hope that the goal of the OUTRAGE is to prevent FAIL. To change behaviour. Anger is a legitimate reaction to FAIL. When it becomes excessive, however, it not only becomes unreasonable, but it becomes ineffective, indeed counter-productive at the goal of preventing FAIL. And we get Step 5 and beyond.
We also get a chilling effect on others.
There is a story on my bunny-list which is set during the aftermath of an earthquake in the 1970s. I am having second thoughts about finishing it, due to fear of OUTRAGE being directed at me.
There's another reason I'm wary of participating in OUTRAGE. It's the pragmatist in me, again. Peer pressure is a common social tool for changing behaviour. But I am not a peer of these particular Failers. I am a stranger, they don't know me from Adam, they don't care what I think. Me joining in the OUTRAGE would not help.
The other side of that is that, well, I don't care what they think either. Why should I care what a complete stranger says anyway? Really. Someone is WRONG on the Internet. Big deal. Fail happens. Stupid happens. It will keep on happening. I am not going to fix the world by yelling at it. Keep calm, be polite. Lose your temper, lose the argument.
Take the latest round of FAIL. So someone made an insulting remark about people "being off their meds" because they disagreed with them. Yes, that's stupid and insulting. I'm "on meds" myself, and guess what? I am NOT taking that remark personally. I am not taking it as an insult to every person on the planet who is "on meds" either. (Or every person on the planet "on meds" who doesn't ship Doctor/Rose). I don't care. I simply don't care what this random stranger said. I don't give a stuff. Who is this person? Do they have a lot of influence or responsibility? No?(*) Then the potential for harm from their attitude is small. Why should I waste my time on something so unimportant in the scheme of things, then?
(*) Or, at least, they didn't until the OUTRAGE brought fandom's attention to them.
Perhaps this is bringing out the inner Slytherin in me.
ETA: Due to this post being linked to by metafandom and becoming a classic example of Step 8 of the above cycle, this post has been f-locked.
ETA 2: I've changed my mind after calming down and some positive advice. This entry is no longer f-locked, but comments are frozen, and new comments are screened.
(frozen) Re: Here via metafandom
Date: 2010-07-19 11:07 pm (UTC)However, even a thousand Doctor/Rose shippers do not have the power to put me in jail. Thus, I will, as you say, choose my battles, and battling random unknown fans is a waste of my time.
(frozen) Re: Here via metafandom
Date: 2010-07-20 06:30 am (UTC)(frozen) Re: Here via metafandom
Date: 2010-07-20 07:01 am (UTC)I thank you for your calm. I'm sorry you have considered my words to be dismissive and hurtful. That was not my intent, and the fact that you consider it to be so is deeply hurtful.
As I sit here crying, caught between hurt and anger, I don't know what to say. Anything I say, I fear will be twisted and misunderstood, as has already been amply demonstrated.
(frozen) Re: Here via metafandom
Date: 2010-07-20 09:57 am (UTC)Here's part of the pattern: Admitting to being hurt is going to get pegged as "white woman's tears", and discounted. (The fact that your distress is genuine doesn't change that.) Trying to appear calm and unemotional would probably continue to get called "dismissive", and eventually discounted as well. There may be a way through this, but it's subtle, and I don't think you're going to find it -- that's nothing at all against you, it's just that there are so many linguistic pitfalls, and a lot of them are not intuitive until you've seen them get thrashed out a couple of times. You could try running into them on your own, but it'll only make people angrier in the process, and I'm guessing you're not up for being the center of a thrashing-out right now anyway.
There are also people with whom you're never going to see eye to eye, in part because sometimes you're trying to use the same words while speaking completely different languages. It's an enormous gap to attempt to bridge at all, much less with a single journal entry. And it's not a sign of an inherent flaw in you (or in them) if you can't always find a way to reconcile things.
(frozen) Re: Here via metafandom
Date: 2010-07-20 10:24 am (UTC)