B7 friday - distance

[kerravonsen]

The b7friday theme this week was "distance". Was a bit late with this one. Drabble, 100 words not including title.

Bridging the Distance

He told himself it was purely pragmatic: they couldn't afford to be one man down. The fact that he'd been the first to notice her absence, that was merely superior observation, not personal concern.

How to bring her out of her little self-imposed exile? He was no psychotech, with smart words and slippery phrases. What did he know about comfort, anyway? Alien, she was as far away as Auron was from Earth. All he had was honesty.

How could one bridge the distance? One barrier at a time.

"What is it?"

"Well, it looks like a door, and it's closed."

Comments

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's not Friday yet! Ergo, not late. And very good, I might add. Yay for our problem-solving boy!

[astrogirl2.livejournal.com]

Definitely not late! And, aww, I like.

[kerravonsen]

Thanks.

[kerravonsen]

You think so? Thanks. I was trying to show his self-delusion that he doesn't care, in that bit which is demonstrating that he does care... (grin)

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

Yes, that comes through; and yet your phraseology also implies that on some level he knows that he's only pretending not to care. Which is a different approach than I would take, but still I agree that it's a legitimate and believable one.

[kerravonsen]

Why, what approach would you take?

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

Oh, I would probably leave him just that bit more opaque. Not have it be quite so much the pretense, or at least have him a bit less aware of it; I like my Avon a little bit more cool and practical and a little less... dysfunctional is the wrong word, but hampered, perhaps, than most people do. Though I think your approach is more likely to satisfy more readers.

[kerravonsen]

I don't think I could write him quite that cool. Yes, he is cool, and no, I'm not one of those people who think he's damaged because he's a T, but I do think he's... wounded. Scarred in trust areas, for good reason. Maybe it's just the difference between INTJ and INTP as you yourself have pointed out in the past.

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

Well, see, I agree with you about the wounded. I just don't think he gives it much place in his thoughts, most of the time - he avoids regrets, after all, and I'd want the reader to infer the pretense rather than having him infer it (at least that would be my goal, but that might very well be too cool for most readers). It's a very small difference; only about the difference of leaving off the first three words. And yes, it's probably the INTP/INTJ.

Let me hasten to add that I am NOT complaining about what you did with the fic, just exploring the two approaches because it interests me as a writer.

[redstarrobot.livejournal.com]

Awww. I've always had a soft spot for Avon and Cally. And that's rather sweet, in their own, strange way.

[kerravonsen]

(smile)
And that's rather sweet, in their own, strange way.
Avon/Cally has to be strange, really, because in no way could either of them be conventional.