The Ten Commandments of Fanfic

[kerravonsen]

Just recently, I came across someone's version of "The Ten Commandments of Fanfic", which was rather an amusing idea, though I didn't like the actual commandments they'd done. So I thought I'd make my own version, and since fikgirl is having a bad day, I thought I'd hurry it up, finish it, and post it now.

The Ten Commandments Of Fanfic

In the beginning, the story was without form, and void, and blankness was upon the face of the paper. And God said, "Let us create Authors in Our own image, that there may be sub-creations." And it was so, and God saw that it was good.

And the Authors increased and multiplied upon the face of the earth. And behold, there was much writing, and there were books, and there were movies, and there was television. And God saw that 90% of it was junk, but yet there was 10% of it that was good.

There came a day, when the children of the Authors were enslaved by a great nation, whose name was Copyright and Trademark. For before, where Authors had made works based upon other works, now they were swooped upon by Lawyers who put them in chains.

And the Lord God led the people out of Copyright, into the land of Fanfic. And the people rejoiced, and wrote.

And so that they should strive to write well, the Lord God gave them these commandments:

Thou shalt have no canon but Canon. Thou shalt not confuse fanon with canon. For if thou writest fanfic, thou shalt obey the laws of the universe in which thou writest.

"But what about AUs?" said the Author.

"Thou canst write AUs only if thou dost demonstrate an understanding of Canon," said the Lord God.

"And crossovers?" the Author asked, in the midst of the thunder.

"Crossovers are one of the blessings of the land of Fanfic," the Lord God said. "But a knowledge of Canon precedes them all."

Thou shalt not make thee any Mary-Sues, whether they be in thine own likeness, the likeness of canon characters, nor in any other likeness. Thou shalt not give them improbably long hair, nor exotic names, nor shalt thou make them fairer and smarter and more loveable than all mankind, for probability distortions are anathema unto me. Thou shalt not indulge yourself in them, nor serve them, for they are too perfect, and take the attention away from the other characters. Thou shalt not worship thy characters, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, and showing lovingkindness unto to thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Prime Authors in vain, for verily, thou art playing in their sandpit. If thou hatest the way a continuing series hast been written, thou shalt speak softly, and quietly write AUs, not squabble about it in a loud and unseemly fashion. For without the Prime Authors, thou wouldst not have a sandpit to play in, and thus they deserve respect.

Keep the stories free to sanctify them. Make thou no profit upon your labour, for profit is a thing of the land of Copyright and Trademark, and will put you in the power of their Lawyers.

Remember that you were a servant in the land of Copyright and Trademark, and that the LORD your God brought you out there through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the LORD your God commanded you to keep the stories free.

Thou shalt honor thy fellow authors, as the Lord your God has commanded you; that the days of your writing may be long, and that it may go well with you, in the stories which the Lord your God giveth you.

Thou shalt not insult the intelligence of thy readers. Thou shalt not bore them with info-dumps. Thou shalt resist the urge to explain. For thy readers are at least as intelligent and well-read as thou art, and shouldst not be likened unto a ten-year-old child.

Thou shalt remember that character is plot, and that plot is character.

Thou shalt not steal, moreover thou shalt not plagiarize. For plagiarizing is a sin against Creation and against Me, says the Lord your God. I shalt cast off all plagiarizers and they shall no longer have the name of Author.

"What about ideas?" the Author said.

"I, the Lord your God, am the giver of Ideas." The Lord God Almighty pointed to the daisies in the field. "Every story is different, just as every daisy is different."

"They all look the same to me," the Author muttered.

"However, it is polite to acknowledge your inspirations," the Lord God said.

Thou shalt show and thou shalt not tell, says the Lord your God. For telling dost remove the vividness from the story.

Thou shalt use beta-readers, for thou art not perfect, and fresh eyes can see the flaws that thou hast overlooked. To refuse to use beta-readers is the sin of Pride, for which Lucifer was cast out of Heaven; for even the best and the brightest of Authors dost have need of them.

---

I hope it amuses.

Comments

[lizamanynames.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's FANTASITC!! *howls* Bloody brilliant.

[kerravonsen]

(grin) Thanks.

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

That is absolutely perfect. *giggling* The intro is the best part (though I heartily agree with all the commandments):

There came a day, when the children of the Authors were enslaved by a great nation, whose name was Copyright and Trademark. For before, where Authors had made works based upon other works, now they were swooped upon by Lawyers who put them in chains.

And the Lord God led the people out of Copyright, into the land of Fanfic. And the people rejoiced, and wrote.

And so that they should strive to write well, the Lord God gave them these commandments:

[kerravonsen]

Thank you. 8-)

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

*applauds*

Although I feel that some kind of warning against the worship of false idols and the purchasing of bad tie-in novels should be included.

[kerravonsen]

*bows*

Although I feel that some kind of warning against the worship of false idols and the purchasing of bad tie-in novels should be included.

Well, I put "Mary-Sue" under the "worship of graven images" section, and as for bad-tie-in novels, that would be like forbidding people to read bad fanfic. In fact, it would be exactly like forbidding people to read bad fanfic.

[astrogirl2.livejournal.com]

Heh. THat is great. :)

[kerravonsen]

8-D Thankee.

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

I like it! Very well done.

[kerravonsen]

Thanks!

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

(Applause) Oh that's wonderful!!

[kerravonsen]

(bows) Thank you.

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

Teehee.

Mind you, I'd have liked a commandment about actually learning the rules of the language. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of beta-reader.

[kerravonsen]

(grin)

Well, there were only ten slots, and I wanted most of them to reflect the original Ten Commandments.

[reveilles.livejournal.com]

This is truly beautiful! :) There are so many parts that I loved that I won't bore you by commenting on them all. :)

I did note one possible typo (?):

Thou shalt not worship thy characters, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, and showing mercy to thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.

Is the Lord God only going to show mercy to thousands of them that love him and keep his commandments, or to all of them that love him and keep his commandments? :)

Also, one bit of olde English verb conjugation: "wast" only matches the "thou" pronoun. It would never match the "he" pronoun, as you use it in the last sentence when you refer to Lucifer. :)

[kerravonsen]

Is the Lord God only going to show mercy to thousands of them that love him and keep his commandments, or to all of them that love him and keep his commandments? :)

Actually, the whole of that sentence from "I the Lord your God am a jealous God" onwards is straight from Deuteronomy (5:9-10 AKJV), so you'll have to take it up with Him. 8-P

Actually, I think I'll change that to lovingkindness rather than mercy, since that's what the ASV has, and it's nicer.

[reveilles.livejournal.com]

Just in case that last comment seemed too critical, what I really want to convey is !brilliant brilliant brilliant!

I especially love the conversations with the Author in the middle of the Commandments.

[kerravonsen]

Thank you. 8-)

[tptigger.livejournal.com]

*giggles* (I'm amazed how well it tracked given we work off different translations. :)

Oh yeah, and the content: dead on. :)

[kerravonsen]

(grin) Thanks.

[fpb.livejournal.com]

This is hilarious and very apt, and unlike a lot of biblical-themed humour, it is perfectly respectful of the Lord and of people's beliefs. Well done. There is only one problem: I am one of the minority who does not think that "Show, don't tell" is an absolute commandment. Just recently I was reading Trollope's Doctor Thorne, a classic novel that breaks that rule to smithereens. It starts with at least a dozen pages of pure information, and because Trollope has faith in his story, the sod gets us to like it. And if you are interested in comics, you may notice that several of the greatest cartoonists, including Hal Foster and King Jack Kirby himself, broke it constantly and merrily. When we speak of the masters of a visual narrative medium, we cannot pretend that it is crudity or ignorance that makes them tell a story in words instead of pictures if they think right.

[kerravonsen]

This is hilarious and very apt, and unlike a lot of biblical-themed humour, it is perfectly respectful of the Lord and of people's beliefs. Well done.

Thanks. I'd wallop myself if it wasn't respectful, considering that I'm a Christian.

I am one of the minority who does not think that "Show, don't tell" is an absolute commandment.

Agreed that it probably isn't, but you need to be more of a master of the art to do it well -- most fanfic writers, when they do it, it does take away the vividness of the story. The most obvious exception is when you have an first-person story narrated by the protagonist -- obviously there you are telling, but you get the extra vividness from the first-person PoV and the opportunity to really get the voice of that character in the narration.

[darkehart.livejournal.com]

Excellent! I'm a newbie to the whole fanfic genre, and am slowly discovering the ins and outs of same. Your site helped clarify a few things for me - for this, much thanks!

Hope it's okay to pimp your site? I've mentioned it on my LJ. Let me know if that's not okay, and I'll modify.

[kerravonsen]

Thank you!

Of course it's okay to pimp my site! Thank you for that too! I'm really glad it was helpful to you.

[darkehart.livejournal.com]

Just popped back in to see if that was okay - thanks! Have had a positive reaction to it from a few people I mentioned it to as well.

It's very handy to have a site that is helpful to those of us diving in for the first time. It's certainly helped me out.

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! This was brilliant!

>>If thou hatest the way a continuing series hast been written, thou shalt speak softly, and quietly write AUs, not squabble about it in a loud and unseemly fashion.

Hee! I feel some lighting bolts coming on.

>>"They all look the same to me," the Author muttered.

LOL! We're just as clueless as the recipients of the FIRST set of commandments.

Good job - thanks for posting it. :0D

[kerravonsen]

Thanks!

[ciiriianan.livejournal.com]

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
I shall now go off and play in a happy Sunday sandpit.