Jolene, Please Don't Take My Man

[kerravonsen]

I just don't get it. All these songs that say "don't take my man" or "don't steal my woman"... I mean, do they think the object of their affections is like a piece of china with no will of their own? I mean "don't tempt my man", sure, that does make sense. Or "don't stalk my man". (Or "don't kidnap my man", but that has different connotations that don't fit this situation.)

I mean, doesn't the Man in question have any say in this? Affection isn't something that can be stolen, as if it were a piece of candy. Affection can only ever be given as a gift, by the will and choice of the person giving it.

So, yeah, fair enough to say "stop bothering my man", but if he's Your Man and he chooses to be unfaithful, that's his fault. Yes, partly the fault of the tempter, but mainly his fault. Because he could always have said "No".

Comments

[raine]

I think it says more about the woman's lack of confidence that she's enough to keep her man from straying than anything else.

[dawnmist]

I suspect it sometimes reflects a desire to believe that it couldn't possibly be due to "my man" actively chasing someone else - because that would imply that there was something you were doing (or not doing) that was making him look elsewhere for companionship.

Easier to blame it on "the other woman" - because if she seduced and chased him until he gave in, it couldn't possibly reflect on you.

Happens in reverse too, of course (woman cheating rather than man cheating), and probably just as frequently.

[kerravonsen]

Happens in reverse too, of course (woman cheating rather than man cheating), and probably just as frequently.
Well, yes - it was just easier for the sake of the discussion to use the example of My Man (but I did mention "don't steal my woman" at the start).

I suspect it sometimes reflects a desire to believe that it couldn't possibly be due to "my man" actively chasing someone else - because that would imply that there was something you were doing (or not doing) that was making him look elsewhere for companionship.

So it boils down to delusion and lack of self-confidence, hmmm?
Still illogical, though.

[kalypso]

Well, things aren't always cut and dried. Sometimes the partner falls in love with someone else and leaves, and that's it. Sometimes they aren't quite sure; they're wondering "Is this just a passing whim I'll come to regret, or is it the start of something completely new in my life?" And in those circumstances, the singer may have a point; if Jolene's doing it "just because she can", there's a chance that the dithering partner might change his mind as it dawns on him that she's not offering him a lifetime of love and companionship, just a few weeks of excitement. He might leave anyway, if meeting Jolene has shown him that his original relationship has already run its course. But he might stay if he realises the singer is still a better option. So it might just be worth appealing to Jolene's better nature, if there's a faint chance she might tip him back towards home.

[kittylefish.livejournal.com]

i agree with you 100%. and also, i remember when i was crazy about a guy who wasn't crazy about me back and someone said, 'make him fall in love with you!' and i was like, 'how do i do that?' because i figured, he either loved me or he didn't, lol. kind of a tangent, but related, i think.

[dreamflower]

Well, the song "Jolene" makes it clear that "her man" is "takeable" ("Don't take him just because you can") which indicates the singer knows he's to blame as well, although seemingly she thinks only Jolene can do this, and not any other woman--which might make a person wonder about backstory.

But of course, using the terminology of thievery is playing into the trope of the homewrecker, who knowingly sets out to break up an established relationship. Calling the temptress (or temptor when it's the reverse scenario) a thief makes them seem worse.

It's also part of a lot of women's worldview in RL that their man would not have strayed unless he met with exceptionally lurid temptation. If you want a man who will say "no" even in such circumstances, you take care in the choosing in the first place. If you choose a man who has cheated in the past, or whom you find in a suspect location, such as a bar, you won't have much luck.

I am blessed to have a man who has said "No" more than once. On one memorable occasion, a young woman co-worker plonked herself on my husband's lap as a "joke". He was so shocked and annoyed that he stood right up and dumped her on the floor. Witnesses found that highly amusing, and I got several accounts of the episode.

[jaxomsride.livejournal.com]

I never understood it either, yet people will say "object" of desire too as if the loved one is a thing, not a person.